How to use Dildos

Dildos are the ultimate do-it-your-own-way sex toy. Unlike a vibrator, a dildo doesn’t move on its own. In fact it doesn’t do anything you don’t make it do. On the plus side, you can make it do all sorts of things that human body parts can’t. You can also pick any shape and size that pleases. Many people would consider dildos to be self-explanatory. Manufacturers probably agree, since they never include an instruction manual. But if you’re curious about using a dildo, and you’re not sure where to start, the steps below offer the basics of how to use a dildo, and leave plenty of room for personal interpretation.

Here’s How:

Choose wisely.
Because dildos only do what you make them do and don’t bring any extra motion of their own, choosing the right dildo is key. Get something too big and no matter how excited or committed you are, it’s just not going to work. Pick a shape (or even colour) that turns you off and you may find it hard to get into using a dildo. If you’re not sure about what size you want, think about other things you’ve used for penetration (fingers, penises, carefully washed vegetables, etc…) If you’re using a dildo because you’ve never had penetration sex, you should start with your fingers or a very small dildo.

Lubricant required.
You always need to use a personal lubricant with any sex toy for penetration. Water-based lubricants are good for almost everyone. (If you are using a dildo made of silicone, do not use silicone-based lubricant.) Put the lubricant on the dildo and use your fingers to put lube both outside and inside of your body. Thicker lubes are easier to use with dildos as they don’t slide off the toy right away. If you’re using a dildo for anal penetration you’ll probably need to replenish the lube at some point.

Condoms on dildos.
You should always use condoms on a dildo. Doing so will reduce the chance of you having any allergic reactions to the dildo material. It also makes clean up much easier. Condoms are also necessary if you plan on using your toy for anal and vaginal use or if you ever think you might share your dildo. If you currently have a sexually transmitted infection you should use a condom on your dildo as it is possible for you to re-infect yourself. However, if your dildo can be boiled in water (like some silicone dildos), then you don’t need to use a condom — providing you boil your dildo after each use.

Anal vs. vaginal dildos.
All dildos can be used for vaginal penetration, but only some dildos are safe for anal penetration. Dildos that are safe for anal use will be smooth and seamless and will have a flared base to prevent them from slipping up into the rectum. As mentioned above, you shouldn’t use the same dildo in the vagina and the anus unless you are using condoms or can boil the toy in between uses.

Inspect your dildo.
Before you use your dildo for the first time, take it out of its package, wash it well, and then check it carefully. Look for any tears or sharp edges. If your dildo is supposed to be non-porous, look for any holes or bits missing in the body of the dildo. If there are any flaws, return your dildo before you use it.

Start on your own.
Even if you’re planning on using your dildo with a partner, it’s a good idea to check it out by yourself first. You’ll feel less self-conscious and/or you can really concentrate on how it feels for you without being distracted (for better or worse) by a partner. Make sure you have a little time and enough privacy before getting down to business.

Turn yourself on first.
Before you try to use your dildo for the first time, get yourself turned on however you would normally. If you’re feeling awkward or distracted it can make penetration more difficult, so being relaxed and aroused can make your first time with a dildo smoother.

Start slow.
Before you insert the dildo, see what it feels like when you rub it on the outside of your body. Use it to massage and stimulate your external genitalia first (either the vulva and labia or the anus). Think of it as if you’re teasing yourself, building up to the penetration. Once you begin to penetrate yourself with the dildo, be sure to start slow. Notice how it feels, and how it’s different than using your own or someone else’s body parts for penetration.

Play with rhythm and speed.
Once you’re comfortably using the dildo, you can experiment with different rhythms and speeds. The great thing about a dildo is that it will do exactly what you want it to, it doesn’t get tired or get a leg cramp, and you can stop and start whenever you like. Notice the difference between a slow and steady movement and a fast and erratic movement. See what you like and what works for you, and make some mental notes that you can share with partners in the future.

Explore your depths.
If you’re a woman, you can bump the end of the dildo against your cervix and this can be painful. If you’re feeling pain, stop what you’re doing and start slow again. You can adjust the length of you dildo simply by where on the shaft you are holding it. If your dildo is long enough it may allow for deeper penetration and this may be very pleasurable. Experiment with different angles of insertion and you may find some spots more pleasurable than others. You can also experiment with different sex positions to change the feel of the penetration.

Add clitoral stimulation.
If you’ve got a clitoris handy, you may find that adding clitoral stimulation while using a dildo really changes the way the penetration feels. Many women enjoy simultaneous penetration and clitoral stimulation, and while this may require some coordination, the effort is usually worth it. You can also use a vibrator for clitoral stimulation while using a dildo.

Using a dildo with a partner.
You can use your dildo with your partner in any number of ways. You can hold the dildo and use it on yourself. You and your partner can use it on each other (but if you’re both using it, you need to use a new condom for each person). You can also buy a harness or strap-on kit and you or your partner can wear the dildo and use it on each other. However you want to do it, it’s a good idea for each of you to follow the above steps first, and get fully comfortable on your own before adding a dildo into the mix.


Different sizes for different moods.
If you like playing with dildos, you may find that the size you want to start off with is too small once you’ve been at it for 10-15 minutes. Some people find that the size they want changes based on their mood and how turned on they are. This is why some dildo lovers have collections. If you like dildos, try experimenting with different sizes. Just because you can’t pick the size of your lover doesn’t mean you can’t have a selection.

Double penetration.
This is a sex act that has become commonplace in porn films, and some people are curious about trying it. Double penetration refers to either having two things (dildos or penises) in one orifice or being penetrated vaginally and anally at the same time. Even in the porn industry this act is considered to be very high-risk and is not recommended. But individuals or couples who are playing with dildos may be able to experiment safely with double penetration, as long as condoms and lubricant are used, and the sex play is slow and controlled by the partner being penetrated.

Bend over boyfriend.
Over the past decade or so, several dildo manufacturers have created products specifically for heterosexual couples interested in exploring male anal play. This kind of play, which got the name bend over boyfriend from a bestselling educational video of the same name, involves a female partner strapping on a dildo and penetrating her male partner.


By Cory Silverberg

Cory Silverberg is an AASECT certified sexuality educator,
author, media contributor and researcher.